grief

praying mantis

Yesterday I did something I have not done for ages. I meditated.  It’s all part of that new schedule of mine. My original plan was to come home and walk the dog for thirty minutes.

But as soon as I walk in the door, I feel a bit assaulted –

“Mom, I need…. (fill in the blank…food, help with homework, a friend to come over, etc).”,

“Jen, I need…. (to know what we are having for dinner, you to follow-up with the insurance company, that tiny piece of paper I wrote Mr. Smith’s number on).”,

“Momma of Pup Pup with big brown eyes and wagging tail, I need….. (to go out and run, eat, fresh water, etc).”

Some days I really want to be Ward Cleaver when I come home from work, you know the whole putting my feet up, reading the paper and having a beverage of my choice.  Instead I come home  and  immediately transition into June. Seriously? In our house, gender transition happens in minutes not days.  Sorry Chaz Bono….you got nothing on me!

Clearly my attempt to walk the dog upon post-work home entry is not going to work. BUT I can get 15 minutes.

So yesterday, before the frontal assault of neediness commenced, I said, “WAIT…before any of you say anything I am taking 15 minutes upstairs in the zendo….

(as I write this my son is reading me the directions from the AXE deodorant spray can and telling me of his friend who uses his AXE as Febreeze as well)

by myself to meditate. And dear ones, for fifteen glorious perfect minutes I sat.  Dinner was a joy, the evening seemed to unfold without any drama, I felt peaceful and present.  And to get there? It only took 15 minutes.

So, on my drive to work today, I was listening to one of my gurus, Eckhart Tolle, (another part of my schedule – listen to inspiring, encouraging teachers during my 40 minute morning commute) I stopped to get gas.

okay so he looks more brown than green and you can’t see
 his praying arms…poor camera quality

As I sat there pumping, I saw a huge green praying mantis on the ridge of a red pole.  I can’t remember how long it has been since I saw one.

So I took it as a sign

My spirituality does not take much to activate. God (and my mom) meet me where I am and encourage me to keep taking time for myself.  Those 15 minutes of practicing mindfulness AND the sheer act of taking care of myself and asking everyone else to pause so I could – was all I needed to feel more connected to myself, my family, my life and Spirit.

And to that, can I get an AMEN?

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